skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I am Jamila. A doll. I do not feel fear, but I have seen it many times in Eloisa.
The days became heavier. Eloisa’s belly was very large now. She moved slower and sometimes held her back while walking. One night, she came to the nursery looking worried. She picked me up and sat on the rocking chair.
Jamila, may komplikasyon daw. The doctor said I need to rest more. Natatakot ako.
Her hands were cold when she held me. She spoke faster than usual.
Paano kung may mangyari kay Bernadette? Paano kung hindi ko siya masigurado na ligtas? Lahat ng iniisip ko puro takot.
She cried for a long time. The water from her eyes fell continuously. Her husband entered and gently took her to bed, but she asked him to let her stay a few more minutes with me.
Sandali lang, Mahal. Kailangan ko munang kausapin si Jamila.
Alone again, she whispered many fears, about pain, about becoming like her own mother, about failing as a parent, and about the unknown future. Her body was tense. Even I could feel the tightness in how she held me.
Bakit ang daming takot kapag nagmamahal ka? Bakit ganito ang pagiging ina?
I remained silent, as always. I observed the way her breathing eventually slowed down as she rocked. I observed how she touched the golden thread on my dress again and again, as if it gave her strength.
Later that week, there were more visits to the doctor. Eloisa rested more in the nursery. She would talk to me every day, sometimes crying, sometimes just sitting quietly while holding me against her belly. Bernadette’s kicks became stronger, and each time Eloisa felt them, a small smile would appear even through her tears.
One quiet evening, she whispered a promise.
Kahit natatakot ako, ipaglalaban ko ‘to. Para sa’yo, Bernadette. At para rin sa maliit na batang version ko na may hawak din ng manika noon. → story continues in Chapter 7 Live on August 26!
Eloisa is afraid. She holds me tighter these days. Her body is heavy and sometimes shakes. Water falls often from her eyes. Yet when the baby inside her moves, something changes in her face. I do not understand fear or love, but I see that both exist strongly inside her now. — Jamila
